on very rough drafts

mom: you wouldn't believe his paragraph even if you read it. it was a cabbage! i gave them plenty of time to work in the library. i said, "if you want to show me your work and get some feedback before your final submission, you can." and still - a boot!

me: wait, is it a boot or a cabbage?

mom: he is a boot; his paragraph is a cabbage.

on specialization

me: you're truly terrible at this.

mom: i know. and i love to hear someone say, 'you have no talent in this area at all!'

(after she has recommended some good answers...)

mom: am i still bad at this?
me: oh, yes.
mom: good.

on love

me: i love you.

mom: when you say that, i know what you really mean is, 'mom, you're a little nuts, but i tolerate you.'

on sleuthing

mom: why doesn't he just go have lunch, stare at his cane, and find the answer?

on using the force

me: i can never do up the closure on a necklace on the first try.

mom: if you close your eyes, it's easier. it's like "star wars."

on punctuation

mom: wake up and smell the colons!

students: [blank stares]

mom: that didn't come out right.