on labels

mom: i have dress for you from... what's the name of that racist?

me: tommy hilfiger?

mom: yes, that's it!

p.s. we have since learned that the whole tommy hilfiger racism thing was a hoax. all the same...

on laundry

me: i think it's "dry clean only."

mom: let me check... it's made in china; it must be ok in the washing machine.