on avatars

during an evening of watching "the west wing"

mom: martin sheen looks like an owl.
me: and leo looks like a lion.

(ten minutes later, while watching an intense scene)

mom, deeply disappointed: this man* doesn't resemble any animal.

*richard schiff

on over-indulgence

mom: they say that they always gave their daughter whatever she wanted. isn't that what good parents do?

me: well... quite the opposite, no?

mom: ok, then don't ever ask me for anything. you know what my answer will be!

me: wait, when was the last time i asked you for something?

mom: for example... today you rang the doorbell! and did i let you in or didn't i?

on love and... not so much

mom mentions chinese new year.
dad: has it passed? or is it coming up?
me: it's this weekend. this year, valentine's day is dumpling day!
mom: no, it's *dumping* day.


photo from cooking with krista.

on fruit

this is lime!.... i mean, lame.

on progress

when someone first decided to swear at his enemy rather than throw a rock at him, civilization was born.

on diffusion

mom: oof... my eyes hurt from all this marking!
me: aw! would you like some chamomile tea?
mom: no, thanks. i've been drinking chamomile all day.
me: no, i mean for your eyes...
mom: i'm sure the tea has reached my eyes.

on blood and water

mom: people keep telling my sister that she looks jewish.
me: what?!
mom: yeah. she knows a woman who keeps saying that she looks like the wife of some rabbi she knew in israel. she says my sister looks jewish!
dad: maybe she is.
mom: *my* sister?!

[the following day, watching janice stein on tv]

mom: oh, she's jewish! she's one of us!
me: no, she's one of *us* - you're not jewish.
dad: but your sister is!
mom: i'm jewish enough. if they round up all the jews, i'll go with you!